Sunday, April 26, 2009 @ 3:11 AM.
i don't want to give up. I just have this overwhelming feeling of disgust when i know im going back, like everything that i have done so far, its useless and there is no point of carrying on.
Another overwhelming sense of emptiness is killing me right now. I need noise to fill this thing, so i keep finding my fren to talk when half the time i am not really listening to him because i just need the noise to be there so that i won't feel so empty.
I dun understand the bullshit that if you do not go thru A***, then you are not a man. Are you telling me that nearly all of the Caucasians and foreigners are pussy? Are you telling me that LKY is pussy? He obviously didn't go thru A***, even tho he is the one that came up with the idea.
Going to A*** can learn discipline and self-control, then i think we should ask all the rapists and murderers to sign on. If you yourself do not have the will to change yourself and depends on others to change you, then i rather will look down on you. You need someone else to teach you basic discipline, someone to force you to do things, you are basically pretty much useless by yourself.
I believe that you are who you are. If in the 1st place, you do not have the discipline and A*** trains you to have it. When you leave the place, you won't retain much of the discipline either. Mindlessly believing what they told you and just because everyone said so doesn't mean that it is the right thing. What i see is that the A*** said that going thru it will turn your boy into man and 1 guy believe it, everyone being the mindless goats that they are, they buy the story especially when it came from a respectable personal.
Are you actually believing it logically or are you believing it emotionally?
You can say that "well i am always a logical thinker, i think logically", is it facts logically(The sky is blue due to..."insert facts") or emotion logically(The sky is blue cause it feels like the right color for it)
I sometimes think so differently that i can't be bothered to voice out, knowing that the majority will oppose.
Anyway,I rant enough. 1 year and 4 months to go, hope I keep my mind at the end of it.
